Find moments to contemplate the goodness of God.

My story is probably typical for many women. My journey through the waters was longer than some and much, much shorter than other stories. Is mine unique? Probably not.

We will all remember 2020 as the year of Covid-19. Everything was shut down and every news story was used to promote fear. At the close of the school year, I retired from my administrative position at the private school where I had worked for the past 10 years. This was a school that my mother-in-law started in the 1960s. While small by Nashville standards, it was one of the largest of its kind in the country. 

During that summer, my husband and I lived in an RV on land we purchased the prior year. Our intent was to build a house on that land and retire there. The summer and fall were spent building our house (mostly my husband). I spent my days in the RV sewing, quilting, taking care of our little mobile house, and preparing for my Sunday School class. By fall, due to some unforeseen Covid induced hysteria, my husband retired from the senior administrative position at  the same school - except he had been there for 20 years. I retired from my position as Chair of the Board of Directors and he also retired from the board.

We were settling into our roles as new retirees. In February, I was faced with one of the most terrifying situations any woman faces - I found a lump. I knew I would need a diagnostic mammogram and knew that would take a referral from a doctor. Since we were new in our community it took six weeks to get into see my doctor. The mammogram came a couple of weeks later, followed by a biopsy. It was the end of May before I had a diagnosis.

I soon discovered lots of confusion about "who" would manage my care. Expecting a surgeon to call, I got a call from an oncology center. That confused me since we didn't really know what I was dealing with. At this point I didn't know if I would need oncology and it seemed backwards to me. I keep the appointment so that she would refer me to the surgeon I wanted. By God's mercy, oncology would not be prescribed.

I spent all of 2022 wrapped up in cancer surgeries, recoveries, and care. My husband was with me every step of the way. He cared for me (if you have been down this path - you know exactly how) and went to appointments with me.

The night after I got the diagnosis of breast cancer I realized I was really anxious as I prepared for bed. Then I lay in bed until about two in the morning thinking of every worst case scenario I had ever heard of - until the still small voice of God broke through. He said, "I have not given you the spirit of fear." Wow! I immediately understood that my battle was really going to play out on the spiritual level. I went to sleep praising God and singing "On Eagles Wings" which is based on Psalm 91.

From that moment in the darkness of night, I made a commitment to feed my spirit and not fear. I asked respected Christian friends for titles of books that were the most impactful in their walk and read most of them. I spent time in God's word and in prayer (for others) every day. I had faithful friends and loved ones and complete strangers who prayed for me everyday for over a year. I had encouraging words in texts, emails, and cards throughout the process. They walked with me through this journey. I was never alone spiritually. Total peace engulfed me.

One year after finding the lump I had my final surgery and felt I was on the road to complete recovery. But the spiritual impact was unbelievable. Here's the thing - I would do it again for the same spiritual result! The physical really doesn't matter. I have lived in the presence of God.

My one concern after my night of terror was that I come out with my faith intact - no matter the outcome. As my healing progressed after my last surgery - my one desire has been to stand firm and faithful and continue in the presence of my God.

Two years before I retired, I began reducing my hours at the school where I worked. My philosophy of leadership means that at some point in time, I needed to give up leadership in some areas so that others could step up and develop their leadership skills. From that time in 2019 I began looking and praying for something that God would direct me to do. I've done some consulting on leadership, CliftonStrengths, and nonprofit boards. I developed online courses. I trained as a coach. I have had the desire to write - but honestly, I am tired of thinking about leadership and nonprofit boards. I met with another person to develop a business plan that would maintain our autonomy while capitalizing on what our strengths would bring together. We came up with "From Deep Water." But he decided to take a job in his expertise area - so the idea was abandoned but not the name and not the website and not the substack. I continued to pray about what God wanted me to do.  I began writing the meditations of Philippians books because the still small voice of God seemed to say, "What about all the study and work you have done in Philippians for Sunday School? Turn those into short devotionals." That's how it began. Then with encouragement from my husband and my pastor I am proceeding and hopefully, helping others think about God's generous provision for us.

Through it all, God has been with me - just like he promised . Every step of the way, he's been there - just like he promised. He will be there for you too - just like he promised.

God bless you. If you are on a similar journey and need encouragement or someone to talk with, please contact me.

Brenda